Bringing up Bébé and New Perspectives

I posted this to FB a few days ago and I went over really well. I may start posting more.

So, I've wanted to start a blog for ages, but fear of acceptance kept getting the better of me. This subject is something I struggle with and I really felt like writing this might be an encouragement to some of you on here. My prayer is that it will speak to you and bless you :)

American culture confuses me. We live such a fast paced life and yet we are expected to be perfect in doing so. We're expected to "do it all". 

Being a mom is no exception. In this new phase I have found that there are so many schools of thought that you literally cannot incorporate them all. For instance, being a stay at home mom is often considered "selling yourself short" or not reaching your full career potential but if you're a working mom then you're obviously not devoting enough time to your kids. 

One thing I know is for certain: you cannot be ALL the things. Seriously.

Another aspect that has really surprised me is all mom to mom judging, sometimes accompanied by truly hateful remarks. It doesn't matter which side of a debate you're on, it seems. I found that I was beginning to feel like a failure no matter what decision I made.

Some days, I am incredibly thankful that we live in the age of the interent. Got questions about anything? Google! But from the time I found out I was pregnant until now I struggle with an overabundance of information. Sure, you'll find advice on everything but it often becomes more confusing than it was originally. There are contradiciting opinions on everything from sleep to starting solids to discpline methods etc etc. 

I recently picked up a book that my sister recommended ages ago entitled Brining up Bébé. It is basically the journey of an american woman who is married to a brittish man and is raising a family in France. On a "relaxing trip" where her daughter is not so easy going, she began to notice that the French kids are quite different: They "do their nights" (sleep through the night) by 4 months at the latest, can sit through an entire meal without throwing a fit, and even eat their food without a fuss. 

It's quite a facinating read really, though the author can be a bit long winded at times. I do enjoy the thought of a more laid back parenting style, however I definitely don't agree fully with the French mindet. 

Some insights I gained:

• It is good to be aware of your childs needs from an early age, and learn their rhythm. The French allow a pause, where they watch to see if the baby needs to be fed or will simply resettle. 
• We don't have to be of constant service to our children- it is not selfish for them to learn to play on their own. In fact, they need to learn that they are not the center of our world. Of course we must have purposeful, fully engaged time with them as well. Balance is the key.
• Taking a break once in a while is a good thing! We should not feel guilty for having a bit of "me" time. (I SO struggle with this one).
• The french have a basic framework called a cadre, which depicts expectations but allows freedom within the boundaries.
• Teaching children to be patient and respectful early on is of utmost importance. Saying hello and goodbye to adults is a great example.
• Children are not considered equal per se, but small human beings and capable of understanding more than we think.
• Their education focuses more on creativity and expression. There's no "get ahead of the game" program like we have. I've personally found a lot of pressure in developmental stages. My doctor told me that Sean "passed" his six month check up... still not sure what that means ;)

I would also like to note, on the subject of food, that french kids are expected to eat what the family eats. It just so happens that it is mostly fresh, real foods (from the sound of it in the book, anyway). Food makes a huge difference in behavior, but that's a whole other topic ;)

This book, more than anything brought out the sociologist in me. I would love to know what parenting is like in a variety of cultures. I find that I've been entirely too discouraged as I follow blogs here on FB and pinterest because many of them have the "if you don't do it this way, you're failing" vibe, even if that is not the intent. I've been switiching to a more natural, chemical free lifestyle for the better part of the last two years but oh my goodness, there are some days that I feel like giving up. As soon as I fix one issue, I find ten more that I should change immediately. Of course I want to do what's best for our family, but there has to be balance somewhere. I know that with my perfectionistic tendancies, parenting will be difficult. But this book has brought a freedom that I was not expecting and for that I am grateful.