On changing seasons

With how infrequently I update this, I should call it changing seasons... :)

SO much has changed since the beginning of this year. Some of it good, some of it hard, but that's how life works, isn't it?

I have been *off of social media most of the year for the first time since I was 15. It was a huge part of me, and had a big hold on my life You see, I would keep up with everyone I've ever known and cared about. And really care. But, I can't keep up with 500+ people- so I would burn out. Often.. way more often than I realized.

*mostly off. It's a true addiction, unfortunately.

Since last summer I've had at least 4 (possibly more?) episodes of what I now realize is adrenal fatigue. Some doctors say it's not a thing but all it means is that your adrenals can't keep up with the level of cortisol that is released and they "burn out". This means depression episodes, extreme fatigue, and lack of motivation for a "short" period of time. For me at least. I was doing BeachBody workouts and thought that was the culprit but... it wasn't. It was the weight of expectations I was putting on myself & other people's opinions that I allowed to crush me.

I am in the process of healing. So thankful.

Homeschooling is going well thus far. I started a mini "co op" with a friend, who I am very grateful for. #1 is doing quite well. He's reading, writing and is exceptional at mental math (I didn't teach him). and #2 will be 3 next week. And we are feeling that, let me tell you ;). He's a sweetheart, full of opinions.
I also started working for the same friend, managing her bookings (she's a lactation consultant). I enjoy it a lot! I love administration stuff, and the little extra income is nice. I get to help her (answered prayer) and one of her co-owners is not a believer so I can bless her too!

We started a mentor program at church and I am paired with 2 older ladies who I adore. They have been wonderful for my growth. We also met with one of the lady's daughter, but we have split off. I am hoping to find more time to meet with her! Another young woman at our church has asked me to do a bible study with her too! Such a neat season after not being able to mentor in youth.

We actually stepped down from youth around Easter this year. It was hard after 5 years and the guilt over certain situations was crushing. Ultimately, it was best though. Soon after C joined a men's group and oh my goodness, what a prayer answered. One I had been praying since before we met in fact. I've seen massive spiritual growth and good fruit. And asking LOTS of hard, deep questions about our faith, our family, and our surrender (lack there of) to the Lord. He's truly taking the lead in our family.

This past summer, our puppy that we adopted from the farm died of a horrible disease. The grief was SO painful, which was surprising bc I didn't want her in the first place. I said yes because I love my family. She would have been 6 months old. I understand pet lovers and to a very small extent the loss of expectation that many people face when losing someone too soon.

In many ways, I have been reminded of the sacredness of life as of late. We are not in charge of our days. One dear friend lost her mom to cancer after only an 8 month battle (Jan '18). Another dear one lost her mom suddenly from a pulmonary embolism (Aug. '19). Both significantly younger than my own mom (and friends of hers too). We're almost at the 3 year anniversary of my cousins sudden death (before she was even 30), my grandmother, and my honorary aunt Jo, who died suddenly. We just don't know what the future holds. Family bonds have been broken this year, ones that I don't know if they will be repaired. One of my dearest friends moved 3 hours away in February. Another is very distant and I am very worried about the path she is on, but have lost my voice in her life. It's just been a hard year, since the summer of 2018.

I'm so thankful that in the hard, there is also life. A deeper understanding of the TRUE gospel. We are wretched, deserving of wrath, no good on our own. BUT GOD. Rich in mercy, slow to anger, abounding in love, chose to come anyway. To save his enemy.
I feel that depth now. My sin and his amazing grace.

I never realized how much the church has blended in with the culture. SELF- care, self love, self esteem.... and we've christianized it.
we are to DIE to SELF not embrace it!

We are desensitized. I mean it took me finding a ouichia board with the characters from supernatural on it to realize that it was leading people astray!! Such popular things we think are ok, but are leading people to new age philosophies or witchcraft.

I knew about the prosperity gospel but I had NO clue how many false teachers there are out there. and how CLOSE they are.

As we choose this path, it'll be lonely, I'm afraid. Homeschooling and saying no to a lot. Praying for strength to know when to stand and to stand on the Word of God. I'm learning who I am in Him, that it really is Him alone, and how to swim upstream. How's that for changing seasons?